- Physically-I was frustrated that I had allowed myself to become so heavy because its gonna take alot work to lose this much weight. Frustrating because I am a high energy person. Sometimes my body aches so bad I can hardly move. I found that I cann't endure the work of the day like I used to. To counter that I have begun eating a little better and not as much. Also, I walk as close to 5 miles a day as I possibly can.
- Financially-Laurie and I had worked hard to get our debt problems remedied. We had been a servant to the lender for so long that we were in bondage. We took some drastic actions to get ourselves in a position that we did not owe everything that was coming in to someone else. This year we finally got to a point that we could start saving money. Embarassed to say we had no savings, no retirement (other than social security). Then, for the past several months the bottom fell out and the finances at the church seemed to dry up. For a month and a half I never received my salary (housing only). What little savings I had was immediately dried up, and my hobby of selling on ebay/auctions had to float the family. To counter these frustrations I kept tithing and started giving more in the form of offerings. As soon as I could I replaced the small amount of savings...more psycological to know its there. I talked openly with my wife and kids keeping them informed.
- Emotionally-I was beat down! Totally felt fried on life! I developed the mindset that all the church problems was my fault. Believed I had not been a good husband, father, provider. I could feel depression settling in. To be honest I was (and continue to be) angry with Word of Life. I find it hard to let it go because the changes the church has gone through has effected my family in every way. The church members are tired and worn out. I worry about some of them falling over dead...more than walking away from the church. The church condition has caused me to consider a career change...which to me would be a job and not a career. When you struggle financially, physically and spiritually it will have a negative impact on you emotionally. To counter this I have committed to be honest whether its popular or not. The thinking happy thoughts and trying to keep everything positive is superficial to me. Also, I have recommitted to spending time in open ended communication with God. He is the Sustainer of my emotions. I have been keeping my emotions in check by challenging the things that make me feel guilty or fearful.
- Spiritually-I was losing ground...didn't feel like praying...didn't feel like reading my Bible...very little fellowship with other believers. A church that has gone through so much. I became very frustrated with church people because they were not doing anything other than Sunday. I kinda lost sight that everything I went through they went through with me. As a matter of fact, (not being overly confident) many probably keep going in an attempt to please me. As you can tell, the church has been a real frustration to me and my family. I noticed my kids were becoming sarcastic and making very critical comments about the church. My kids expressed the disbelief in some of the leaders that recently burnt the church. So, I became concerned that all the effort I have put into pointing my kids towards Jesus and not allowing the church to drive them from Him. To remedy things with my kids they got excited when we all talked about me getting out of the ministry...that really concerned me. So I knew the only way to see change was to lead the charge. I got in my prayer closet...kept my wife and kids informed of all that I was feeling. Made sure we were spending quality time as a family. We even discussed the possibilities of moving to another part of the country. Prayer has been the key...allowing God to speak to me because I was losing hope.
Now that I have opened myself a little to prove my point. Frustration is the devils foothold. I beleive if the enemy sees you frustrated he applies pressure. Have you ever noticed that sin seems so appealing when you are frustrated? You get frustrated sexually you may be tempted to flirt with that person you secretly adore. Maybe you think about committing adultry to fill the void you sense. Its possible you feel no emotional attachment to your spouse so you try to connect to someone else.
When I am frustrated...the beer cooler is a magnet. I can go in out of the gas station and never think about it. All of a sudden a cold beer sure sounds good. I have never said a beer would send you to hell. My problem is...I knew if I drank one I would probably do something stupid. Like drink til I couldn't walk. I say this to let you know temptation abounds...and it is magnified when you are frustrated.
Therfore, identify the areas that are frustrating you and begin to counter them. Frustration is the devils foothold! God's plan is not to frustrate you! Remember he will not put more on us than we can carry...it just feels like it. In our weakness He is made strong. The joy of the Lord is our strength. Lean not on you own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge Him. He will never leave you nor will He forsake you.
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