Wow...time slipped away. Been crazy busy, but productive. I wanted to allow myself the opportunity to make a few more remarks in regards to the serious topics of adultry and abuse.
My last blog dealt with issues of adultry. Now I would like to make a few comments regarding abuse.
Abuse is a real problem in many relationships today. This is intended as a marital topic, but abuse effects children, elderly people, the dating relationship, employee relations, and the list could go on.
Ephesians 5 tells us to "love our wives like Christ loved the church" and for "wives to respect their husbands". That's hard to do when abuse enters the picture. I have seen many marriages end at the hands of adultry, and I have seen too many spouses suffer torment at the hands of an abuser for years.
Abuse is not just physical! But, lets start there...I say it loud and proud...your not much of a man if you beat a woman! Unfortunately, culture has come to a place where many women are the agressors. I have literally seen guys cry at the thought of facing his wifes abusive wrath. If there is physical abuse in your marriage...you must seek help and safety. There is no justifiable reason for you to allow physical abuse to continue. Even if it means removing yourself from the same home...filing restraints...whatever...do not let someone continue to torment you through acts of violence.
Some people are feeble from years of mental or emotional abuse handed out to them by the one who claims to love them. Lying, manipulating, insecure, jealous, control freaks will often fall into this category. If you suffer mental and emotional abuse its probably because you are married to someone who is mentally unstable. Mental abuse can lead to physical torment!
Verbal abuse is as cruel as any abuse discussed. Women are called fat, unattractive, whores, sluts, worthless, b*@#h, and more defeating words by their insanely abusive husbands. Men are ridiculed, put down, disrespected, lied to, lied about at the hands of their darling wives. I have seen so much verbal abuse that it angers me to even write about it.
Sexual abuse can and does happen within the marriage. This sort of abuse is very diverse. On one hand, it can be a woman who deprives her husband of sex until she gets what she wants...new car, checkbook, new clothes, jewelry...or she may incorporate the lack of sex into her mental abuse. On the other hand, is a man who may be so animalistic in his sexual desires that he will force unwanted sex on his spouse. Or, make her do things she doesn't want to do with him and sometimes with others.
I have heard some horror stories over the years. Beautiful women neglected by men and made to feel ugly...good men taken advantage of by deceptive women. By remaining with an abusive spouse only enables them to continue in their abusive ways. Until the abused begins to resist there will not be any sort of wholesome change. Please don't think you are doing them or God a favor by staying with them! If you are being abused in any way here are some practical steps:
1. If you fear for your safety (and the safety of others) you must expose their abuse by getting the proper authorities involved.
2. If necessary, move out until they get the help they need! God can help those who abuse others, but they must seek the help they need!
3. Get professional counselling and encourage your spouse to do the same. Get the medical community involved as meds can really work at times! A counselor can help you develop a plan.
4. Do not allow yourself to feel sorry for the abuser..they feed on that sort of thing...its giving them the upper hand. You can be compassionate without being an enabler! Be courageous stick to your plan!
5. Reconciliation must include long term (years) accountability. Forgiveness can and should be granted, but trust must be earned!
I am not a counselor, but there are times I wish I could have just told people get out of that marriage before someone gets killed...namely you! I have never encouraged divorce, and I hope I never do! But, the longer I am in ministry...the more abuse I observe...the more my opinion has become that you do not have to stay and allow the abuser to destroy who you are. The problem is...those who are abused as children will often gravitate towards abusive spouses (especially women).
If you are in an abusive relationship...seek safety and the help of others. I hope this helps.
In Christ,
Mike
Take time to rest
3 months ago
2 comments:
Another good post Bro. Abuse is a horrible thing. And you are right, it's not all physical abuse. Damage from emotional abuse can last longer than physical. When people are beat down emotionally for years, it can take years for them to recover. There's a lot of debate about divorce, and I have my opinion like everyone else. And, I can agree to disgree with anyone. One thing I really believe is that God doesn't want us in abusive relationships. What part of "abundant life" is there in abuse? Where is "love your wife as Christ loved the church" or "respect your husband" in abuse. I agree with you Bro. I don't advocate divorce. If you can work it out, then work it out. But there is life and forgiveness after divorce. I'm living proof of that. I hate divorce and wouldn't wish it on anyone. It's the most painful thing a person can ever go through. But if you ever go through it, trust in God to get you through it, and He will forgive where there needs forgiveness. He will heal all of the hurts. And, he will bless your life if you are living for Him.
Ken, thanks for an honest, heart felt post to my blog on abuse. I am not a counselor, but I have seen enough through the years to know that any sort of abuse is detremental to all involved. Also, I fear that children might think that abuse is normal, and therfore it is passed on from generation to generation.
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