GIVE UP! Con't

I am up early this morning blogging this seriously huge challenge that God has given to me. Debbie sent me an email in response to the one I sent the entire church yesterday.

I have to tell you this first...some people are so caring...that one guy came running to my house when he saw my post yesterday afraid that something was wrong. Far from it! But, the gesture was a rare showing of concern and it made me feel good that someone cared enough to drop all they were doing just to check on me. I promise my marriage is as good as it has ever been. I just desire to make it better...

Anyway, back to Debbie. She knows me as well as anyone and she hit it right on the head. I have to be quiet and listen. Anyone who knows me is saying...someone finally told him to shut-up. In response to her email I found myself in tears over a painful situation my wife has been going through recently...much to my surprise she has been going through it for years because she goes through it every time I go through it!

What is it? The loss of good church members. The problem is that I look at losing people from a different set of lenses than she does. You see sometimes for different reasons people choose to leave the church they attend. Laurie and I have lost good people just like every other pastor that is out there in this field. Its part of being in the ministry! I have always taken it so personally. It has been a real growth process for me to let go when people feel it is time to move on.

The difference is that I look at losing numbers, and Laurie looks at losing friends. I look at how it will effect me and my job. She looks at the years of memories. The love that has been shared. The relationships that are, sad to say, coming to an end. Not that I don't think about those things its just I worry about what other people might think... I worry about that kind of stuff too much (there's an honest confession).

We have a couple in our church that we have loved for years and they have loved us. A few weeks ago they told me that they felt like God was moving them elsewhere. Amazingly, I have handled it pretty good. Unfortunately, I have watched my wife cry over another potential friend that she is losing. They have assured us it is nothing personal, nothing wrong with the church just a need to move on to the next phase of their lives. I am losing a great leader who does alot in the church....Laurie is losing a great friend. Do you see the difference in how we look at things? People always say that we are still going to hang-out, be friends, visit with you, and so on...but it never happens...not in 20 years of ministry has that happened.

I lay this out there to say in all the years and all the people that have come and gone. I always have looked at how it will effect me and the church. I have rarely taken the time to seriously reflect on how it has hurt my lovely wife through the years. You see I lose people, but she loses friends. I have been upset with people that used my wife...to babysit and then walk out on her. But, I have never really considered the emotional loss Laurie goes through. It really is our loss. We miss many of the people that have left for one reason or another.

By the way thank you to all of you that prayed for me yesterday. As things arose in everyday living I feel like I responded much better than previously stated. I am laying down my dreams, my goals, my desires to better serve and honor my wife. Not that I never loved, honored, treasured her before, because I have the greatest wife on the planet. That's where I used to say greatest pastors wife, but she not a pastors wife...she's my wife and I love her.

It has been one of the largest challenges I have ever felt God give me....but I have to give up to go up! One day I hope to show you the full picture! God willing!