Watching Your Kids Become Adults

Your kids are pretty much what you as a parent have trained them to be! Yikes!

This week we celebrated my daughters 19th birthday... Laurie and I are both proud to be the parents of Mikey and Brooke. Probably the greatest honor I have as a parent is knowing that both my kids love Jesus. But, beyond that it is always a blessing when other parents pull Laurie and I aside just to tell us that they are glad that their kids hang out with ours...not that they are perfect...but because they are good kids.

Today I want to focus on Brooke. Later I will do a blog on the difference between raising boys and girls!

Brooke is an adult! She will always be my little girl, but she is at the age where my role is entirely different. Over the years I have followed the instruction of Dr. Dobson...letting the rope go further and further with time. For instance, when Brooke was in 9th grade I felt a fair curfew was 10 pm...by her senior year we asked that if she could not be home by midnight to give us a call. Now, what she does and when she determines to come home is her call.

Brooke is going into her sophomore year at Troy University. Our commitment is to insure her vehicle, keep up the maintainace, pay for repairs and give her a certain amount weekly while she stays on campus. Recently, Brooke talked to us about financing a car. This is where you have to let your adult kids make the tough decision. I encouraged her not to do it. Debt is slavery! I told her if she chooses to do it...it will be her baby. The entire bill would be hers and my commitment to providing a vehicle is finished. It doesn't mean that you don't try to offer advice. But, once the advice is offered you need to let them make the decision and live with it.

Too many parents are still trying to control their adult kids lives...and that is a whole different ball of emotional junk I am not qualified to handle! Craig Groeschel tells the story of when he was in college that his parents told him if he starts drinking, partying and doing the things that come with that lifestyle that they will cut off all funding and he will be on his own. He shares how he went against his parents wishes. Guess what they did? They cut him off financially! That took guts...too many parents treat their 25 year olds like 5 year olds.

If your adult children are making bad decisions, over their head in debt, sexually impure, drinking too much, and the list could go on. You have to draw the line in the sand and determine not to cross it. Quit fighting their battles for them! And by all means quit covering up the messes they make...eventually the pile will get so high that its obvious what the problem is. YOU!! You are only enabling them to be what they are...the first change that needs to take place is probably with you!

I am not encouraging you to abandon your kids. Like you, I will always be there for my kids. But, when they become adults its time for them to chart their own course. When we as parents continually bail our kids out...they will continue coming back for hand-outs until you cut them off.

Let me share some examples where you may need to step in to help...if they are the victim in a physically abusive marriage...by all means get him/her out at any cost! In the event that their mental capacity erodes due to finances, drugs or whatever take proper action...just make sure its proper. If your adult children go through a serious life change be there for them as thats when they will need you...not your lectures. For instance, foreclosure...divorce...death of a child... bankrupcy...marital unfaithfulness...depression...loss of a business and once again the list could go on.

Its amazing after a couple of decades in ministry the number of adults I know that the biggest problem is their parents. If you have an adult child, then you may want to consider some drastic changes that need to be made so you and your children can be more productive. You as an adult child may even need to tell, not ask, your parents to butt out! Don't let controlling parents cost you your marriage, your job or your dreams.

Well, that's all for now....holla!